Saturday, October 03, 2015

How to put kids off of playing cricket

One of the best ways of putting kids off of playing cricket is to progress them up to adult games and make them umpire when they're not ready and you've got idiot adults batting. Somehow some adults don't seem to realise that teenage boys do not have the same skill sets as Marais Erasmus, Billy Bowden and Kumar Dharmasena, along with the years of experience and training. So if your captain for whatever reason and it's usually because the other adults haven't turned up because they're still hung over from Friday night or knew they were going to be S**t faced on Saturday and therefore declined to play that week, is forced to put a kid in the position of being umpire. Think before you start losing it when you're given out LBW...

1. The kids is probably totally intimidated by the situation in the first place because your team doesn't do in-house umpiring.
2. The kid isn't Billy Bowden.
3. The kids is surrounded by adults shouting in his face Howzat - who he doesn't know who probably look really aggressive and intimidating.
4. He doesn't have a 3rd umpire or a review system to turn to.
5. As far as he's concerned it did hit your pads - it looked that way.
6. He's not an expert in any way shape or form and might be completely intimidated by the whole affair. Think Fatty Batter and the explanation in that book why the author always preferred playing friendly games.

Finally this is not football, this is cricket, a gentleman's game, so if the kid or anyone gives you out, keep your mouth shut, accept your fate and walk away like a man and learn how to hit the ball cleanly rather than edge it onto your pads. I don't care if you've paid £12 to play and now you've got to spend the next 6 hours fielding or sitting watching other people score runs; or maybe in your mind -  lose the game. You are in a team with inexperienced players, kids trying to find their way, so the last thing they need is for you to turn round and glare at them swearing and cursing, claiming you hit the ball, standing there as if you're being paid to play and this is the death knell of your career because the selectors are watching, you're not Ponting or Bell, you're probably some bloke who's main focus in life is football. If you don't like it, stop playing cricket, sort your f****d up knees out, stop drinking beer and man up - go and shout and glare at other adults on a football pitch and stop bullying small boys if that's your thing. 

Kids are the life blood of a cricket team not arrogant has been's in their 40's who can't hit the ball any more (sober or hung-over). Back to the sheds mate and shut the F**k up.

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